How to NOT get shot at my big fat Jewish wedding

I have neither a bride nor any other detail in place for my wedding; except that anyone who tries to pull a stunt like this will be ordered shot on-site.

I’m all for shtick at Jewish weddings. Heck, crazy stunts at weddings are even documented in the Talmud. Then again, so is throwing down glass in front of people who overdo their wedding merriment. And these chuppah-crashers deserve a big chandelier in the face.

Aside from being kitchy and irreverent, no one who delays the meal at a Jewish wedding should live to tell about it.